The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Sunday, May 17, 2009

    A Beautiful Service

    This past weekend the Atheologist had the pleasure of attending a wedding of the son of a friend and neighbor. The highlight of the ceremony was not when the pastor pronounced the happy couple man and wife, or when he explained to the blissful pair that the only way to have a happy marriage is to make, not each other, nor your children, but Jesus #1 in your lives, no it was prior to that when a close family friend read a great verse from scriptures. It is from Ephesians 5:22-33:

    “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing…”
    As the words were leaving the reader’s lips, the Atheologist noticed husbands in the pews elbowing their respective wives, most likely making sure that they were paying attention.
    But the Atheologist noticed that not every husband in attendance was smirking or elbowing their respective Mrs.
    Were these husbands not paying attention or could they have just been non believing atheists who somehow snuck into God’s house unnoticed? The Atheologist wondered if these and other atheists had any chance at having a long and happy marriage without the guidance that God provides through his holy rule book.

    Then a strange thought popped into the Atheologist’s head - is it possible that some of them were now thinking to themselves that maybe this religion stuff had something going for it after all? Would this simple verse from scriptures suddenly open their eyes? God does work in mysterious ways and anything is possible.
    So all you atheists out there, read the Bible. There’s a lot of stuff in it. All of you non-atheists, find an atheist to read the Bible to, they will really appreciate it.
    Here are a few of the Atheologist’s favorite Bible parts concerning women: 1 Corinthians 14:34-35, 1 Tim. 2:12-14 and Deuteronomy 21:11-14.

    The Atheologist

    Friday, May 08, 2009

    Ohio Christian School Tells Student To Skip Prom

    A student at a fundamentalist Baptist school in Findlay Ohio, that forbids dancing, rock music, hand-holding and kissing will be suspended if he takes his girlfriend to her public high school prom, principal Tim England said. Despite the warning, 17-year-old Tyler Frost, who has never been to a dance before, said he plans to attend tomorrow’s Findlay High School's prom.
    Frost, a senior at Heritage Christian School in northwest Ohio, agreed to the school's rules when he signed a statement of cooperation at the beginning of the year said principal Tim England, and he continued:

    “When Tyler made the agreement with the school and God, he knew all about the terrible temptations that the secular world would unload upon him. We are only looking out for him. Those secular heathen atheistic students, who attend that secular atheistic heathen school, are very adept at dancing, kissing, alcohol drinking and sex. Tyler’s lack of experience in those areas would cause him great embarrassment and distress. We all know how narrow-minded those who attend those types of schools can be and wish to shield him from the unnecessary humiliation. Besides, although this so called, ‘prom’, will be under adult supervision, the so called supervisors are of course most likely, heathen, evil atheistic nonbelievers who are not worthy to stand before the Lord, and are therefore, by definition highly intolerant of those of us with much higher morals. And mother's day is coming up, so, happy mothers, day to all of you mothers out there; even Tyler’s skanky girlfriend’s mother”.

    This situation is obviously based on similar incidents taken from the movie 'Footloose', and the Atheologist hopes that everyone sticks to the script so that a happy Hollywood ending will bring it to a close.

    The Atheologist

    Sunday, May 03, 2009

    Oy, Please Don’t Call It, the ‘Swine’, Flu

    The outbreak of swine flu should be renamed "Mexican" influenza out of respect to Muslim and Jewish sensitivities over pork, said an Israeli health official Monday.
    Deputy Health Minister Yakov Litzman said the reference to pigs is offensive to both religions and "we should call this Mexican flu and not swine flu," he told a news conference at a hospital in central Israel.

    The Atheologist was deeply touched by Yakov’s concern for his Muslim brothers, after all how many Muslims are there in Mexico anyway? Besides, most Mexicans are followers of that declining religion that the Atheologist’s previous post touched upon. Those Catholic pork eaters seem to have overlooked that part of the Bible, Leviticus 11:1-3, which strictly forbids eating pork and even the watching of Porky Pig cartoons.

    According to the Atheologist’s copy of, ‘Christian Rules and Regulations’, Christians are supposed to be Christlike. If Jesus did it, they do it. If He didn't they don't. That being the case, the Atheologist does seem to remember something about Jesus feasting on Chinese spare ribs and pork fried rice at the last supper, (or was it lamb). Alas, a quick search of the New Testament did not confirm any of this so the Atheologist may have come upon that one in one of his many Jesus dreams.

    Here are some questions that the Atheologist has for Yakov -
    Is this Canadian farmer actually a Mexican?
    Where the hell is Madonna and her magic Kabbalah water when you need it?
    Is the Hippo flu the cause of obesity in the USA?
    Is the name, ‘Mad Cow Disease”, offensive to Hindus?
    How about, ‘West Nile Virus’, is it offensive to Egyptians?
    Does the term, ‘Lyme’, disease disrespect Margarita drinkers?
    Why have the Atheists been so silent on this issue, is it their fault?
    Is it safe to eat Jews? Some of them do look very appetizing.

    The Atheologist

    P.S. The saying, “when pigs fly” may now be obsolete now that, pigs flu”, sorry.