The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Sunday, December 13, 2009

    Oh Tannenbaum, Your Branches Green Delight Us! Or Do They?

    This is the time of year when a lot of people think that it’s cute to erect an artificial or real tree in their living rooms and decorate it with lights, knick-knacks and bric-a-brac. But is this really such a good idea?
    According to the Bible, it is not, and Bible seems pretty clear in its prohibition
    Jeremiah 10:

    "Hear ye the word which the LORD speaketh unto you, O house of Israel : Thus saith the LORD, Learn not the way of the heathen.For the customs of the people are vain: for one cutteth a tree out of the forest,the work of the hands of the workman, with the axe.They deck it with silver and with gold…”.

    Now every true Christian knows that only pagans, atheists, devil worshipers and pretend Christians would even think of ignoring God’s wishes. Like the wearing clothing made from the wrong combination of fabrics or cooking a young goat in its mother’s milk.

    The Atheologist recently corresponded with one such pretend Christian.The Atheologist recieved an e-mail from the Coffee Bean Corral which along with updates on their latest coffee bean selections, declared that unlike those cowardly individuals and businesses who choose to call a "Christmas" tree a "holiday" tree, the Coffee Bean Corral never would. They also had a link to the, ‘real story of Christmas’.
    The Atheologist quickly shot out the following email informing them of their serious transgression.

    Hello to everyone at the Coffee Bean Corral, I was at first delighted to see that you celebrate the holidays by telling the real story of Christmas. But then I read about how you refuse to call a “Christmas tree” a “holiday tree”. Any true Christian would know that the ritual of decorating a tree or God forbid, bringing one into the house, is a Pagan practice and forbidden by God.

    The Atheologist then suggested that if in fact they were real Christians at the Coffee Bean Corral, they should pay more attention to what was written in the Bible, repent and maybe cutting down on their caffeine ingestion would help.The Atheologist quickly received this reply from one Terry A. Richards of the Coffee Bean Corral:

    "Last evening I went to Jeremiah and read this passage. At the time this happened the people were taking the tree inside and worshipping the tree as their god. I only worship one GOD and he is the true GOD.
    I have no need to repent at least not concerning a tree."

    Oh really Terry “A.” Richards. Does the “A” happen to stand for atheist or antichrist? Which is it?

    The Atheologist urges all of you good and true Christians who wish to remain good and true to never bring any sort of shrubbery into the house and never, ever call a "holiday" tree a "Christmas" tree. Jesus will thank you for it and possibly not send you to hell. (Where to leave the gifts will be Santa's problem.)

    PS: Some people suspect that Jesus and Santa may be one in the same individual - the beards, last names starting with "C", both become very popular around Christmas time, they both love children…etc. The Atheologist believes that this is just a coincidence though, and would much rather be on Santa’s naughty list than be on Jesus’. The Atheologist can deal with a lump of coal in his stocking or lousy gifts from Santa as opposed to having Jesus send him to hell to burn and be tortured for ever and ever for all eternity, (because he loves me).

    The Atheologist


    Anonymous Anonymous said...


    2:46:00 AM  
    Blogger The Atheologist said...

    Yes Raymon,

    Thank you for your kind words and the suggestion that Santa may actually be Satan in disguise. Yes I did rearrange the letters around was as shocked as you were!

    The Atheologist

    9:03:00 PM  
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