The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Tuesday, May 23, 2006

    Da Vinci And His Code; Another Problem For The Catholic Church


    Boy, it seems that the Catholic Church, (as if it needed more problems), is having a very tough time dealing with the latest big screen blockbuster, "The Da Vinci Code". The movie, unfortunately for the church, did very well, selling $232 million worth of tickets worldwide, including $77 million domestically last weekend, (its opening). Catholics and other Christians in many countries have denounced the movie. Father Thomas Euteneuer, president of Human Life International, a Catholic values advocacy group, is organizing a boycott of the film, which he says promotes Satanism. Even the Vatican is putting its two cents in.

    Will watching the movie cause some Catholics to question their faith and ultimately abandon the Church and add to the problem of waning Catholic participation in the Eucharist and other sacraments? Will it add to the dramatic decline in vocations to the priesthood in the past three decades.? If so, what can be done about it? Well, the Atheologist has a few suggestions for the Church which may help undo some of the damage, they are:

    (1) Bring back those old fashioned "penguin suits" for nuns. Folks oughta be able to take one look at your holy ladies and know they're not just Plain Janes whose mamas never taught 'em about makeup. And while you're at it, give them the go-ahead to start whacking uppity brats with rulers again.
    (2) Start going medieval on those pedophile priests. Drag up all the old torture devices from the Spanish Inquisition, like the rack and the Iron Maiden, from the Vatican basement dust 'em off -- and wipe that scum off the face of the Earth.
    (3) Teach priests Irish accents. Anyone who's seen old-time movies with stars like the late, great Barry Fitzgerald as padres knows that heartwarming "top of the morning to you" stuff is essential.
    (4) Replace all altar boys with altar girls -- ages 18 and up. That'll discourage boy-crazy fruitcakes from becoming priests. Shorten the altar girls robes to show a little thigh and I betcha that'll double church attendance in no time flat.
    (5) Priests need better costumes -- so replace robes with black leather jackets. Make the outfits cool enough and I guarantee you, plenty of Italian youths will dream of getting ordained instead of becoming "made men."
    (6) Let parishioners vote on saints by a show of hands. Mind you, sometimes you'll get goofy ones like "Saint Di" and maybe even "Saint Oprah" when Ol' Tubby is pushing up daisies. But let ordinary folks get in on the excitement and Mass will soon be as popular as American Idol.
    (7) Impose term limits for popes. Why not retire when you're still healthy enough to speak, for crying out loud? (8) Make bishops take a vow of silence -- but let the monks talk. I reckon those brothers who've been studying books all their lives have some mighty sensible things to say. Meanwhile, yappy bishops can afford to hush up for a spell -- especially when it comes to telling Americans how to vote for President.(8) Instead of limiting the priest conducting mass to using, and drinking wine during the Eucharist, a good lager or stout along with a large selection of aperitifs, digestifs and liqueurs should be made available to those priests with a preference.
    (9) How about handing out door prizes, but only to those who stay for the whole service.
    (10) Start a punch card system and anyone who attends 10 Sunday masses in a row, is excused from contributing at the next service when the collection plate comes around. They can just throw their used up punch card into the basket.
    (11) As Jesus performed miracles during his short time here on earth and since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, priests could perform magic tricks, (simple sleight of hand should suffice), during mass. Many in the congregation who now regularly fall asleep during service, would have their eyes glued to the altar trying to figure out how Father Mackenzie did it. And it’s not out of the question that this would influence the little ones in the congregation into considering the priesthood as a viable option for their vocations.



    If just a handful of these suggestions were put into practice the Atheologist is sure that the Catholic Church could steal faithful away from those, "less fun", religions and maybe snag an Atheist or two in the process.

    Now the Atheologist is off to see what Bat Boy is up to.

    The Atheologist

    7 Comments:

    Anonymous Seven Star Hand said...

    Hi Atheologist,

    I'm 100% sure you won't initially agree with everything I assert, but we are allies nonetheless. Though I have gone to great efforts to prove the existence of the Creator, I have likewise focused greater efforts proving that religion is purposeful deception based on false images and doctrine and purposeful recasting of ancient wisdom and the symbology used to encode and encapsulate it. Feel free to suspend "belief" about the Creator and pay attention to my proofs about religious deception. You may learn something valuable...

    Peace...

    Here's a real hot potato! Eat it up, digest it, and then feed it's bones to the hungry...

    Pay close attention, profundity knocks at the door, listen for the key. Be Aware! Scoffing causes blindness...

    Here is the key to understanding what the Vatican and Papacy truly fear...

    There's much more to the story of the Vatican's recent machinations than meets the eye. It's not the DaVinci Code or Gospel of Judas per se, but the fact that people have now been motivated to seek out the unequivocal truth about an age of deception, exactly when they expect me to appear. These recent controversies are spurring people to reevaluate the Vatican/Papacy and the religions that Rome spawned, at the worst possible time for them.

    Remember, "I come as a thief..." ?

    The DaVinci Code novel and movie are no more inaccurate as literal versions of history than the New Testament. The primary sub-plot involved purposeful symbology being used to encode hidden meanings, exactly like the Bible and related texts. In other words, none of these stories represent the literal truth. This is the common and pivotal fact of all such narratives about ancient Hebrew and Christian history. Debating whether the DaVinci Code, Gnostic texts, or the Bible are accurate history is a purposeful ploy designed to hide the truth by directing your inquiry away from the heart of the matter.

    There is a foolproof way to verify the truth and expose centuries-old religious deceptions. It also proves why we can no longer let the Vatican tell us what to think about ancient history or much else. It is the common thread connecting why the ancient Hebrews, Yahad/Essene, Jews, Gnostics, Cathars, Templars, Dead Sea Scrolls, DaVinci Code, and others have been targets of Rome’s ire and evil machinations. The Vatican and its secret society cohorts don’t want you to understand that the ancient Hebrew symbology in all of these texts purposely encodes and exposes the truth about them. Furthermore, the structure of ancient wisdom symbology verifiably encodes the rules to decode messages built with it. This is what they most fear you will discover.

    If the Bible represented the literal truth or even accurate history, there would be no need for faith in the assertions of deceptive and duplicitous clergy and their ilk. It is undeniable the New Testament is awash with ancient Hebrew symbolism and allegory. The same is evidenced in the Old Testament, Dead Sea Scrolls, Gnostic texts, biblical apocrypha, Quran, DaVinci Code, and other related sources. All ancient religious, mystical, and wisdom texts have been shrouded in mystery for millennia for one primary reason: The ability to understand their widely evidenced symbology was lost in antiquity. How do we finally solve these ages-old mysteries? To recast an often-used political adage: It’s [the] symbology, stupid!

    It is beyond amazing that the Vatican still tries to insist the Gospels are the literal truth. Every miracle purported for Jesus has multiple direct symbolic parallels in the Old Testament, Apocalypse, Dead Sea Scrolls, and other symbolic narratives and traditions. Recasting the symbolism of earlier Hebrew texts as literal events in the New Testament is one of the central deceptions associated with Christianity. This is part of the secret knowledge held by the ancient Gnostics, Templars, Cathars, and others, which is presented with dramatic effect in the DaVinci Code. None of these narratives or stories were ever intended as the literal truth. This fact is the key to unraveling many ages-old mysteries and exposing the truth about the Vatican's long-term deceptions.

    Moreover, the following Washington Post article (The Book of Bart) describes how many changes and embellishments were made to New Testament texts over the centuries, unequivocally demonstrating they are not original, infallible, or truthful. When you combine proof that the New Testament Gospels are not wholly literal with proof that these texts were heavily reworked in the early years of Christianity, you are left with only one possible conclusion. The Vatican has long lied to everyone about the central tenets and history of Christianity. This revelation also proves they are not the Creator’s representatives but Her longtime opponents. The recent hoopla over the Gospel of Judas and DaVinci Code demonstrates they are still desperately trying to deceive the world and obfuscate their true nature and activities.

    It's no wonder the Vatican fears the truth more than anything else. As further proof of these assertions, seek to understand the symbolic significance of my name (Seven Star Hand) and you will have proof beyond disproof that Jews, Christians, and Muslims have long been duped by the great deceivers I warned humanity about over the millennia. What then is the purpose of "faith" but to keep good people from seeking to understand the truth?

    Now comes justice, hot on its heels... (symbolism...)

    Not only do I talk the talk, I walk the walk...
    Here is Wisdom!!

    Revelations from the Apocalypse

    11:19:00 AM  
    Blogger The Comment Pimpette said...

    Yes, I was here and I am not commenting because I haven't read the post - still reading the book and don't want to ruin it for myself by reading something in the post.

    When I finish the book, I will read the post and I'm sure I will come up with some sort of opinion :-)

    6:26:00 PM  
    Blogger The Comment Pimpette said...

    LOL - sorry - I just got a little tied up in replying to tommy boy that I have to come back later to read this :-)

    1:00:00 PM  
    Blogger The Jewish Freak said...

    Atheologist: Voting in the new pope shall be done ala American Idol, with plenty of comments from Simon of course!

    1:21:00 PM  
    Blogger The Comment Pimpette said...

    LMAO - okay - I finally read it!!

    Let me add this: Once a month the collection plate should be lotteried off or a game of bingo be played instead of mass being delivered. Missionaries should be attending gamblers annonymous meetings and showing these gamblers the road to redemption.

    5:44:00 PM  
    Blogger Steve said...

    redemption in gambling means taking those little printouts from the mechanical roulette table to the cashiers desk :)

    ironic!

    5:14:00 AM  
    Blogger bigdumbchimp said...

    I can't wait to see the Da Vinci Load.

    11:33:00 PM  

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