The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Friday, July 21, 2006

    Bush And The NAACP


    For the first time since he took office, President Bush , yesterday, engaged in his first address to the NAACP at their 97th annual convention.
    He had turned down their invitations since becoming president, and looked like he could become the first sitting president since the 1920s to refuse to address the NAACP.
    It went as well as one would have expected and towards the end of the 33-minute speech, the president made the cut sign under his chin and several Secret Service personnel went through the crowd asking all reporters and news men and women to turn off all of their audio and video equipment. What happened next? Well luckily the Atheologist was able to aquire the transcript of what the president said, from an annonomous friend who happened to be there and who happens to know shorthand. Here it is:

    "I had to have y'all turn off your recording devices because I don't want to have the same thing happen to me like it did the other day when I was talking to that English guy and the "s" word slipped out of my mouth and was heard by billions of people around the world. I need to talk to all of you nice colored people as a fellow brother, hell, we're all brothers because we have the same father and you all know who I'm talking about.

    As I said before and by the thunderous applause I received, I see that all you nice Negroes agree with me that we want a united America that is one nation under God. But what about those people who don't agree with us, what about the Atheists? Well here's what I have to say about them:

    They don't know shit about Jesus.
    Atheists think that their shit don't stink, but it does a lot.
    They need to get their shit together.
    They don't know it, but they're in deep shit when judgement day comes around.

    Hey here's a riddle: How many dumb as shit Atheists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
    Answer: Three. One to hold the bulb and two to turn the ladder. Do y'all get it? They're so shittin' stupid they don't know that you just have to turn the shittin' bulb to get it in. Get it? That's funny! Sister Condoleezza told me that one.

    Anyway back to those Atheists. They should find a shitty country that wants them and move there, shit, they should take all of the Democrats and anti-war people with them too.

    Did y'all know that there aren't any Atheists in foxholes? That's because they're all a bunch of cowards and when they know that the enemy is acomin' they shit their pants and run. I'm not makin' this shit up, these are facts.

    I am pretty sure that there aren't any Allahites or Heebs here today so when I speak about God I know that we are on the same page. I'm talking about Jesus, our savior.
    Now even though Jesus was white he loves all of you colored people equally, so God bless you all.

    Now I have to go have some kind of a meeting about those pesky Arabs and Heebs and all of the problems that they're having. It's about time that they got their shit together. Hey, does anyone need a massage?


    The Atheologist

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