An Open Letter To George W. Bush On Immigration Reform

Dear Mr. President,

I see that you are in a quandary, predicament, (you're in a jam). The Atheologist feels that the solution to our immigrant situation will not come easily. According a recent Pew Research Center Poll, 53 percent of Americans say illegal immigrants should be required to return home, while 40 percent say some legal status should be granted, as you are suggesting. Just like that Iraq thing, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. (It may help to get more people on your side if you casually mention that the great majority of Mexicans are Christians.)

Many of your opponents are saying that your worker amnesty program, (even though you can’t call it that), is only an attempt to help the Walmarts of this country who are looking for good, brown skinned, inexpensive labor. No, the Atheologist believes that you have only "goodliness" in your heart and have looked to Jesus for guidance and have asked yourself what he would do if he were in your position. And I believe that he would do just what you are doing, forgive and forget. Forgive the roughly 11 million illegal aliens that have broken a silly little law and forget that we have US citizens that know how to do construction work and can identify a ripe tomato when they see one. (But don't want to for the silly reason that 1/3 of a living wage is not enough to live on.)

Well Mr. President, the Atheologist is rooting for you and when you’re done with the pesky problem with our neighbors to the south, he has a few more silly laws that he would also like to see stricken from the books:

(1) The Atheologist owns a couple of peppy cars, (here and here), and occasionally likes to drive enthusiastically on our public roads, please see what you can do to legalize speeding. Mr Bush, please pay no attention to the radar detector lobby or local municipalities when they complain that this will eliminate a major source of income for them. (Maybe they should start a church and apply for money through your faith-based scam, plan.)

(2) The Atheologist occasionally finds himself short of cash and would love it if you would also try to make bank robbery legal. Since it is a Federal crime at the present moment to rob a bank, it shouldn’t be as hard to address as the speeding issue. FYI:The President of The United States (that's you), has the top job in the Federal Executive branch of our government, (I know you don’t read that much or stay on top of current events.)

(3) Baseball is a lot more fun and exciting to watch when the balls are flying out of the ballpark and the final score looks more like a football game’s. Please do what you can to make steroid use legal again for professional baseball players. Barry Bonds would agree.

I also have a question. Is it now legal to operate all types of firearms while plastered, or only shotguns while quail hunting?

PS: Don’t listen to the Atheists when they tell you that they want you to make it legal for their kind to be elected to public offices. That’s just silly!

Your’s truly,
The Atheologist

This is not the Atheologist, and neither is this.