The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Wednesday, March 14, 2007

    The Other Atheists' Nightmare - The Pickle?


    Most of us remember the original "Atheists' Nightmare", in the video that introduced us to the team of Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron, and astounded us all.
    Well, one of the Atheologist’s west coast sources, (while scrounging through the dumpster behind the Living Waters Publications creative design headquarters), has come across and provided to the Atheologist what looks like a transcript to a new, “Way of the Master” video. The heading on the transcript is, “The Pickle, The Atheists’ Nightmare”.

    Here’s an excerpt:


    Ray: Kirk, take this and hand me that jar of pickles. (Ray hands Kirk the opened can of sardines, accidentally spilling some oil.)
    Kirk: Oh, gross! That stinks!
    Ray: Sorry Kirk, unlike the sardine can, which was obviously designed by man who sometimes manufactures it with a pop tab, sometimes with an unwieldy key that has to be fitted onto the protrusion just right and sometimes with no means to open it at all and having to rely on a can opener which is usually no where to be found, the pickle jar has a large top which its creator, almighty God has designed to perfectly fit the adult human hand. The human hand needs to only provide a moderate amount of torque and bingo it is opened! (Opens pickle jar). Please note that we are talking about the half-sour pickle here, not the kosher dill version that has been tampered with by our hell bound Jewish friends. As one removes a pickle from the jar, (removes a pickle from jar), notice that even though it is still wet it does not slip out of my hand, that is due in part to the little bumps put there by its creator, almighty God. Now along with the bumps, the rest of the outer casing of the pickle is entirely edible with the exception of the stem, which the Lord in his infinite wisdom has composed of 100% biodegradable matter. (Placing pickle up to Kirk’s lips.) Take a taste Kirk.
    Kirk: I’d love to. (Taking a bite of the pickle, some pickle juice dribbles down to his chin.) It's so crispy and firm.
    Ray: Yes it is Kirk. Notice that almighty God has designed the pickle, to fit perfectly into the human facial orifice, or mouth, as it is commonly known. We all just witnessed Kirk so effortlessly confirm that, although he does needs to work on his gulping technique. (Kirk and Ray giggle and chuckle together.)………


    As in the video with the first, "Atheists’ Nightmare", (despite the fact that this is only a written version), the Atheologist can’t help but feel the chemistry and camaraderie between Kirk and Ray. The Atheologist hopes that if this, “Pickle” video, ever makes it into production it will not cause the same side effects that the, “Banana” video did.

    The Atheologist

    Here's a pickle video that was probably not produced by Living Waters Publications, (but you never know).

    4 Comments:

    Blogger BaconEating AtheistJew said...

    I would love to see Kirk and Ray do one about Pineapples.

    They could do one about hot dogs to prove intelligent design too.

    11:23:00 PM  
    Blogger The land of Sands said...

    Hello friend
    Like what I read. I run a blog like yours ..some of my readers describe me as the ultimate Arab atheist. Sure not as good as you

    Good luck
    BenKerishan
    http://benkerishan.blogspot.com/

    3:48:00 PM  
    Blogger A deacon, by the grace of God, said...

    It really bugs me that atheists and theists don't talk to each other so much as yell at one another. I want to start talking. So I've started an on-going series entitled "Why Atheists Can Do Better Than Dawkins." The first three parts are up, and I invite comments. But first, please: read this and know I'm not an enemy!
    http://subversivechristianity.blogspot.com/2007/04/are-we-christians-little-caesars.html
    Thanks!

    3:47:00 PM  
    Blogger Quantum_Flux said...

    Please tell the McCain/Palin Campaign (preferrably politely) why teaching creationism in our public schools around America is superstitious and is not in our nation's best interests. These are the feelers McCain has out there, the way in which Americans can have a voice and be heard by his campaign:

    Contact his campaign directly here:

    http://www.johnmccain.com/Contact/

    Or go to his blogs and leave a polite message about the subject matter wherever appropriate:

    http://www.johnmccain.com/blog/

    Remember, McCain does a lot of things right and is a great heroic war veteran who genuinely puts his country first, but Creationism is one key area where he is completely wrong and could potentially create a major setback for American students and businesses. We can't let America fall behind foriegn countries in the departments of Science and Technology because of his superstitious beliefs.

    2:35:00 PM  

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