The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Monday, October 02, 2006

    Conversations With God

    A most incredible and amazing thing has recently happened. God has personally spoken to the Atheologist! Here are the miraculous details:
    A blogger named Sheldon who is the author of a blog called, “The Humanist Observer”, recently posted a post entitled, ‘Conversations With God?’ In his post he makes reference to the, “Belief Net”, website and a survey that they have about their conversations with God. Sheldon then goes on to tell us what his questions were to God. Here are some of them:


    "Why did you kill the innocent first born sons of Egypt for the wrong doing of their fathers? Why did you order and permit the Israelites to slaughter innocents in war, leaving only the virgins to live and be taken as captive wives? Wasn't that totally immoral? Why does your son say that because I simply don't believe in you, I am morally equivalent to people who do some of the most immoral things, and that I will go to hell for my disbelief? Why do you tell me to honor my parents in the 10 commandments, but then your son Jesus says that I should hate my mother and father, and other family members?"

    He then goes on to say some nasty things to and about God, which the Atheologist will not print here. (Go to his post if you think you can take it.)
    Lo and behold, shortly after Sheldon’s post was posted the Atheologist, who happened to be dozing in his big comfy chair after eating quite a heavy lunch, was visited in a dream by none other than God. Here is what God had to say:


    “Hey Atheologist, tell Sheldon that I am very mad at him. I am not going to answer any of his silly questions because I am busy constructing a place that is much much worse than hell where he and people just like him will be sent to suffer and be tortured and burned and sliced up and sprayed with lemon juice for ever and ever,(all because I love them). Tell him that I don’t have to answer his or anyone else’s questions because I am God and it’s all part of my master plan and it will all make sense in the end for those who believe and trust in me. But I do apologize for the run on sentences. Now wake up and go tell him, you can do it in a comment on his blog if you want to.”


    And that’s just what the Atheologist did, now the rest is up to Sheldon.

    So what has the Atheologist learned a lot from this incident? He has learned that you do not question God. That Sheldon is not really an atheist because atheists don’t talk to God. And that God sometimes speaks to ordinary people like the Atheologist, not just the more important ones like him, him, him, him or her.

    The Atheologist

    4 Comments:

    Blogger Sheldon said...

    Hey Atheologist!
    I too am an atheist! Like everybody else who has conversations with God, my conversations are just for pretend. The difference is being an atheist, I know they are just for pretend.

    Anyway, thanks for the publicity! Being a fairly new blog, I don't have very many (any?) readers.

    1:48:00 PM  
    Blogger Jennifer said...

    I had a conversation like this a couple years ago with a Christian friend of mine, but I did not reserve my questions for the Bible-related incidents that displease me. I had these "5 BIG QUESTIONS FOR THE BIG GUY":
    1. Why did you make people smart enough to build cities and dams and microscopes but stupid enough to believe the Quran, the Bible, and the Book of Mormon?
    2. Why did you never mention to any of the prophets who claimed to speak for You that many diseases can be avoided merely by washing your hands after touching people?
    3. Why did you make women so smart and feisty and independent minded if You knew they would have to live their lives under the thumbs of troglodyte males?
    4. Why not make your existence and ideas so obvious only a moron could miss it?
    5. Why did you give animals emotions and sensience and then put them on a planet where they would know so much suffering and misery at the hands of the apes you put in charge of everything?

    4:42:00 PM  
    Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I've never seen a blog post double as a summarized interpretation of the book of Job. Nice job.

    8:05:00 PM  
    Blogger The Atheologist said...

    Those are some good questions Jennifer-
    and thank you anonymous.

    11:06:00 PM  

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