Ariel Sharon; Smite or Appetite?

On January 4th in the world's only Jewish state, Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon suffered a massive stroke. And once again Pat Robertson offered his insight into the situation:

"Ariel Sharon was dividing God's land, and God says, 'This land belongs to me, and you'd better leave it alone,' so the old Jew received his proper smiting, and woe unto any prime minister of Israel who takes a similar course."

Anyone that pays attention to the mainstream media knows that Pat Robertson speaks for God and says that God speaks to him in an audible voice. Reverend Pat is always getting the medias attention and his insightful quotes are everywhere, here, here, here. As logical as Reverend Pat's explanation is, the Atheologist went ahead anyway and performed in-depth research, (mostly Googling), into any other possible explanations for Ariel Sharon's stroke.

President George "Richard Simmons" Bush spoke to Sharon after his previous stroke, in December of 2005 and said:

"Allow me to give you some pointers; be careful about food, start exercising and cut back on work hours, be careful, my chubby friend."

Sharon reportedly replied that he knew that Bush was an expert on cutting back on work hours and he would listen to him about the food and exercising too.

Shortly before Dr. Atkins died, (from a fall on an icy sidewalk, not heart problems which he previously had had, which were found to be not connected to his heart, or something like that), he commented on Ariel Sharon's girth:

"Wow that guy's a whale! He would be a perfect candidate for the Atkin's diet, maybe even a spokesman for the new Atkin's Kosher Plan, which I just invented. Of course if he were to suffer a heart attack or stroke after being on the new Atkin's Kosher Plan, it would probably be found to have been caused by a fall on an icy sidewalk."

So it seems that Ariel Sharon had a weight problem which may have contributed to his stroke. It is said that when he was in the company of his closest friends he would always joke around, holding his hands up screaming, "I just can't stop killing and eating!!!!!!!!" What a kidder!

The Atheologist then interviewed Dr. Mahmud al-Zahar at his office in Gaza, by phone. The Atheologist had met the Hamas chief at a gun safety course in upstate New York, a couple of summers ago. He said:

"It is an infidel's lie to say that the Christian God smited Ariel Sharon. The fact of the matter is, that it was Allah who struck Sharon because he was giving us Palestinians gestures of peace. We as Arabs have a tradition to uphold, which is the annihilation of the Jew, how can we continue our holy war when our enemy is being nice to us? We prayed to Allah to get rid of Ariel Sharon and to put in a real Arab hating Jew in his place. The first part of our prayers have been answered and we wait for mighty Allah to complete the second. We then will not rest until Israel disintegrates before our eyes. Have a nice day."

The Atheologist is a bit confused. He will have to wait and see, along with the rest of the world, on how this all plays out.

The Atheologist