The Atheologist

Theology is the study of theism; Atheology is the study of atheism. I am The Atheologist. Why don’t Atheists embrace religion when the vast majority of humans do? Why are Atheists regarded by most of society as thugs, rabble, vermin and generally naughty people. The Atheologist will attempt to seek out the true answers to these and many more questions by using logical assumptions, interviews with people of all faiths and really, really good research. The Atheologist wants to know.

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  • Thursday, April 27, 2006

    Open Call For Lead In New Kirk Cameron Musical

    Attention, all of the Atheologist’s (male) readers who happen to be employed in the motion picture industry as actors. If you are looking for the role of a lifetime, this may be it. The Atheologist has learned that a new Kirk Cameron, (born again, 80s pop heartthrob who starred on 'Growing Pains' & 'Full House') and Ray Comfort, (an evangelical minister), are producing a new film entitled, “Jesus Christ the Musical”, and are in search of a new lead for it. The Atheologist sadly reports that the original lead met with an unfortunate accident while filming the pre-production trailer.

    Here is the casting call information:

    The executive producers of "Left Behind" and the director of "Left Behind II:Tribulation Force " in association with Living Waters Productions, are looking for a fresh face to star in a Way Of The Master's movie musical version of the life of our savior, entitled, " Jesus Christ The Musical ", which films this Fall. We are coming to San Francisco for an open casting call! Atheists need not apply.

    Click the image below to see the unfinished trailer and lead actor’s final scene.
    Warning and disclaimer from the Atheologist: The video may be disturbing to some viewers.

    If you can't play Google videos on your computer, click here for the Windows Media version.

    For more details, here is the contact information from the Way of the Master website. Even if you are not interested in trying out for the part, contact them anyway, they would love to hear from you. Ask them about Jesus.

    Email them at:

    Call them at: 1-877-496-8688

    Or snail mail them at:
    The Way of the Master Industries
    P.O. Box 1172
    Bellflower, CA 90706

    Good luck to all! Break a leg, but watch out for traffic.

    Hey, all this ‘left behind’ talk has reminded the Atheologist of a riddle;

    Question: What did the gay man who was dying of AIDS worry most about?
    Answer: Leaving his friend’s behind.

    The Atheologist apologizes in advance.

    The Atheologist

    Monday, April 24, 2006

    Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day

    Today, April 24th is Armenian Genocide Remembrance Day. At this time of year, one other well known group tries to grab all of the attention insist that their genocide is better than everyone else's. This year the underdog will get all of the Atheologist's attention.

    The Armenians are always proclaiming the fact that their country was the first one to adopt Christianity as the national religion. What a bunch of braggers! Being the first Christian state is all well and good but has it helped the Armenians any?

    Over the centuries Armenia has suffered from a multitude of invasions, wars, massacres and has been conquered by the Greeks, Romans, Persians, Byzantines, Mongols, Arabs, Ottoman Turks, and Russians. In response to Armenian nationalist stirrings, the Turks massacred thousands of Armenians in 1894 and 1896. The most horrific massacre took place in April 1915 during World War I, when the Turks ordered the deportation of the Armenian population to the deserts of Syria and Mesopotamia. According to the majority of historians, between 600,000 and 1.5 million Armenians were murdered or died of starvation. The Armenian massacre is considered the first genocide in the 20th century. To this day Armenia’s external political situation remains unstable and problematic. Not to mention the yeast situation.

    After all these centuries why have things not settled down?
    What can be done to reduce or even eliminate the tension in the Caucasus?
    The Atheologist thinks that he has the answer.

    The Atheologist has a suggestion for the Republic of Armenia and that suggestion is a simple one: Change your national religion to Islam. It may be that simple! By admitting that you realize your mistake of picking Christianity as your national religion and switching to Islam, your neighbors will now embrace you and think of you as friends instead of infidels and heathens. Just take one look at a map of your country and those that surround you. Do you see many friendly Christian neighbors on your borders? Except for Georgia, (and they have their own problems), the Atheologist certainly does not! Azerbaijan - 93.4% Muslim, Iran – 98% Muslim and your ‘favorite’ neighbor Turkey – 99.8% Muslim. What will it take for you to see that the Atheologist is right, another holocaust?

    The Atheologist can picture a much brighter future for Armenia, where Armenians and Azerbaijanis will gather together and be laughing at the silly Nagorno-Karabakh tiff. Turks will be seen embracing Armenians and finally admitting after so long that, “yes we did it and we beg for forgiveness from you and Allah”. The Atheologist sees Iran and Armenia helping each other in the nuclear power department. Beauty contests would be a lot more fun. And Armenians would now be able to participate in a Jihad if they wished, (no doubt a secret fantasy for many).

    Do it Armenia, you won’t be sorry.

    The Atheologist

    Friday, April 21, 2006

    Fundamentalist Christians Protest False Advertising In Beer Commercial

    The Atheologist has learned that a Guinness beer commercial has drew complaints from several well known Christian groups. The groups are protesting the depiction of humans evolving in reverse, from beer guzzling bar patrons to mudskipper like creatures. The Rev. Patrick Mahoney, director of the Christian Defense Coalition had this to say. (With a name like Mahoney, the Atheologist bets he knows a thing or two about beer):

    “We all know that evolution is false, so de-evolutionizing is even falser. The fact that Guinness has chosen to show this nonsense in a commercial disgusts us and our church and our God. It is nothing more than false advertising and we demand that it be stopped.”
    One Guinness spokesman has offered an explanation into the controversy surrounding the commercial saying that the commercial was inadvertently played in reverse in some markets and offered his apology. The correct version can be viewed here.

    The Atheologist has noticed that the words Guinness and Genesis are awfully similar, is there something to it? The Atheologist may look into that.

    FYI: Guinness is actually in the Irish stout family of beers.

    The Atheologist

    Monday, April 17, 2006

    Armenians Crash Iraqi Beauty Contest

    From ABC news:

    Iraq's newly crowned beauty queen, Tamar Goregian, has decided to step down — just four days after her election, making this the shortest reign in the pageant's 60-year history.
    On April 9, the 23-year-old, who was the first Armenian Iraqi to win the Miss Iraq pageant, announced her resignation after receiving threats by a group of religious extremists who referred to her as "the queen of infidels" for participating in the contest.
    Pageant organizers had hoped to pass the crown to the runner-up, or "Maiden of Beauty," Mona Hilmi, an Iraqi Sunni Muslim. One of the organizers said she was "equally intelligent and beautiful."
    However, the second and third runners-up also withdrew from the competition for security concerns. They had not received specific threats.
    Miss Teen Iraq, Silva Shahakian, a Christian, accepted the title.

    Upon accepting her crown, Miss Shahakian, the latest, 'queen of the infidels', thanked everyone and said that she would use her title to promote world peace and understanding. She noted that she would not be accepting the first place prize of a two year supply of Turkish apricots and added that the Turks should take the apricots back and shove them up their asses.

    The Atheologist

    Wednesday, April 12, 2006

    Not Such A Happy Birthday After All

    In the Atheologist’s post yesterday he explained a little about the Muhammad’s birthday celebration. Well, it did not go too well for the Sunnis - over 85 dead at birthday celebrations in Pakistan.
    In one incident, at least 57 were killed when an explosion caused by sticks of dynamite made to look like birthday candles, were lit atop the birthday cake. The Atheologist suggests that the next time whoever brings the candles must be the one to light them. If that individual makes a bee line for the door, everyone will know that something is up.

    In the other incident 29 were killed while leaving a seminar on the life of Muhammad. The women and children were crushed in a stampede when someone stopped to tie their Nikes. Jesus Christ, Pakistan is practically part of the Middle East, hasn’t anyone ever heard of sandals?

    The Atheologist only hopes that the Shi`ites’ Muhammad birthday celebrations on April 16th go a little better.

    Note: Due to the high numbers of Muslims killed in stampedes while attending religious celebrations, the Atheologist has coined a new word that he hopes will appear in Webster’s someday.
    The new word is ‘Muslipede’, (mŭz'-lĭ'-pēd') – the sudden headlong rush of Muslims, often causing high numbers of injuries and deaths.

    The Atheologist

    Tuesday, April 11, 2006

    Happy Birthday Muhammad!

    Today, April 11th is Mawlid or Mawlid an-Nabi or Milad al-Nabi or مولد، مولد النبي، ميلاد النبي, the celebration of the birth of Islam's prophet Muhammad. Well actually the Sunnis celebrate it today but the Shi'as will be celebrating it on the 16th. The Atheologist’s research into the confusion concerning the correct date of his birth, has led him to the conclusion that it can be attributed to, (blamed on), Muhammad’s mother. Legend has it that when Muhammad's mother gave birth on April 11th, she realized that little Muhammad missed the cutoff for the draft into the Meccan Army, by 2 days, and would be inducted when he reached the age of 12. Being the loving and caring mother that she was, she changed the date on the birth certificate to the 16th so that Muhammad would be drafted into the army a year later and also be able to work in the family business until he was 13 years old.

    For those of you who have never attended a Muhammad birthday party celebration, it is indeed a festive celebration! There is always lots of great music and food, but you won’t see any Italian sausage or Budweiser being served. Of course, only men are allowed to participate, women are turned away at the door, no matter how hot they may be. The celebration ends with the birthday boy's cake being brought out. Everyone sings the Islamic birthday song. Here are the words to the song, translated into English. They are taken directly from the Koran:

    Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you,
    Happy birthday dear Muhammad, happy birthday to you.
    Happy birthday to you, do not make friends with a Christian or Jew, (5:51)
    We will murder them and treat them harshly. (9:123)
    Kill the disbelievers wherever we find them, (2:191)
    Fight and slay the Pagans, seize them, beleaguer them, and lie in wait for them in every stratagem. (9:5)
    And fight with them until there is no more persecution and religion should be only for Allah, (8:39)
    Happy birthday to you!

    The last part of the song lost some of its rhythm and flow due to the translation from Arabic, but it sounds great when sung in its mother tongue.

    Here's a funny picture of Muhammad with a birthday candle on his head. Those silly Muslims!

    The Atheologist

    Wednesday, April 05, 2006

    Funny Money

    The Atheologist was walking to work the other day when he was approached by two seemingly normal looking young ladies who proceeded to hand him something resembling a piece of United States currency. The Atheologist took the item and gave it a quick glance as he continued walking. To his surprise it was what appeared to be a one million dollar bill! The Atheologist quickened his pace in case the young ladies had a change of heart and wanted it back or were looking for sexual favors in return.

    When the Atheologist got to his desk he checked out the bill and in the agitated state that he was in concluded that it was indeed real. All kinds of thoughts went through the Atheologists mind, but the first thing he decided to do was to treat some of his co-workers to some Starbucks. The Atheologist, now a millionaire, sauntered over to one of his co-workers desks and the conversation went something like this;
    The Atheologist: “Hey Steve,” (not his real name), “how about a cup of Joe, lets hit 'The Mermaid', look what I have, I’m buying”.
    Steve: (Looking at the bill), “What are you a moron?”
    The Atheologist: "Yes I know that Starbucks is a rip-off, but this is a million dollars dude!”
    Steve: “No you idiot, that’s not real”.
    The Atheologist: (His heart sinking) “What do you mean? How do you know?”
    Steve: “It says right here, ‘This Note Not Legal Tender For All Debts, Public And Private’, you idiot, and look, there are Christian Bible tracts on the back.”
    The Atheologist: (Taking the funny money back), “Oh, then never mind.”

    Sure enough when the Atheologist got back to his desk, he saw that Steve, (still not his real name), was indeed correct. His newly found wealth had vanished as quickly as it had materialized. The Atheologist was suddenly filled with hatred against those two evil, b@$t@#d, b1tch8$ that had given him such false hope. Why would they do such a thing? The Atheologist was about to put “revenge” on the top of his list of things to do today, when he noticed the date at the top of the list: April 1, 2006. April first? April fools day? Of course! Good one bitches!

    The Atheologist

    Links: The Jokesters, The Funny Money, Even Wikipedia was in on it!, She was fooled too! Some Nerdy Christian Bitches.

    Monday, April 03, 2006

    An Open Letter To George W. Bush On Immigration Reform

    Dear Mr. President,

    I see that you are in a quandary, predicament, (you're in a jam). The Atheologist feels that the solution to our immigrant situation will not come easily. According a recent Pew Research Center Poll, 53 percent of Americans say illegal immigrants should be required to return home, while 40 percent say some legal status should be granted, as you are suggesting. Just like that Iraq thing, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t. (It may help to get more people on your side if you casually mention that the great majority of Mexicans are Christians.)

    Many of your opponents are saying that your worker amnesty program, (even though you can’t call it that), is only an attempt to help the Walmarts of this country who are looking for good, brown skinned, inexpensive labor. No, the Atheologist believes that you have only "goodliness" in your heart and have looked to Jesus for guidance and have asked yourself what he would do if he were in your position. And I believe that he would do just what you are doing, forgive and forget. Forgive the roughly 11 million illegal aliens that have broken a silly little law and forget that we have US citizens that know how to do construction work and can identify a ripe tomato when they see one. (But don't want to for the silly reason that 1/3 of a living wage is not enough to live on.)

    Well Mr. President, the Atheologist is rooting for you and when you’re done with the pesky problem with our neighbors to the south, he has a few more silly laws that he would also like to see stricken from the books:

    (1) The Atheologist owns a couple of peppy cars, (here and here), and occasionally likes to drive enthusiastically on our public roads, please see what you can do to legalize speeding. Mr Bush, please pay no attention to the radar detector lobby or local municipalities when they complain that this will eliminate a major source of income for them. (Maybe they should start a church and apply for money through your faith-based scam, plan.)

    (2) The Atheologist occasionally finds himself short of cash and would love it if you would also try to make bank robbery legal. Since it is a Federal crime at the present moment to rob a bank, it shouldn’t be as hard to address as the speeding issue. FYI:The President of The United States (that's you), has the top job in the Federal Executive branch of our government, (I know you don’t read that much or stay on top of current events.)

    (3) Baseball is a lot more fun and exciting to watch when the balls are flying out of the ballpark and the final score looks more like a football game’s. Please do what you can to make steroid use legal again for professional baseball players. Barry Bonds would agree.

    I also have a question. Is it now legal to operate all types of firearms while plastered, or only shotguns while quail hunting?

    PS: Don’t listen to the Atheists when they tell you that they want you to make it legal for their kind to be elected to public offices. That’s just silly!

    Your’s truly,
    The Atheologist

    This is not the Atheologist, and neither is this.